|Our afflictions are designed not to break us but to bend us toward the eternal and the holy. - Barbara Johnson|
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Funny Airplane Jokes
Airplane Maintenance Checklist Jokes
Squawk: Something loose in cockpit.
Signed Off: Something removed.
Squawk: Tires almost need replacing.
Signed Off: Almost replaced tires.
Squawk: Friction locks causes throttle lever to stick.
Signed Off: That's good, since that's their purpose.
Squawk: DME volume unbelievably loud.
Signed Off: Set volume to a believable level.
Squawk: ILS localizer went ape#$@#%.
Signed Off: Let out ape, cleaned up #$@#%.
Squawk: Autoland very rough.
Signed Off: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Squawk: Aircraft flys funny.
Signed Off: Aircraft set in the corner and told to straighten up.
Squawk: Target Radar Hums.
Signed Off: Reprogrammed Radar with words.
Squawk: ADF #2 needle swings wildly.
Signed Off: Caught and tamed ADF needle.
Squawk: Whining observed during shutdown.
Signed Off: Sound is normal. Whining pilot is to be ignored.
Squawk: Autopilot's altitude hold mode produces 150 fpm descent.
Signed Off: Cannot reproduce on the ground.
Squawk: Evidence of oil leak on main gear.
Signed Off: Evidence removed.
Squawk: Autopilot inoperative.
Signed Off: RTM. Autopilot is not fully installed in this aircraft.
Squawk: The autopilot doesn't.
Signed Off: Now it does.
Squawk: Bottom Rotating Beacon half-full of water.
Signed Off: Beacon has been topped off.
Squawk: Dead bugs on manifold.
Signed Off: Live bugs on order.
Squawk: New noise coming from engine.
Signed Off: Engine was run for 3 hours. Unusual sound is now an old noise.
Squawk: Evidence of a mouse in the radio stack.
Signed Off: Mouse and evidence removed.
Squawk: ILS localizer inoperative.
Signed Off: ILS localizer inoperative when turned off.
Squawk: Tiny hammering noise coming from engine.
Signed Off: Confiscated the tiny hammer.
Squawk: Aircraft climbs like it's tired.
Signed Off: Aircraft rested overnight, and has new spark plugs. It should climb fine now.
Squawk: Engine #3 is missing.
Signed Off: Found Engine #3 attached to the wing, and gave it a tune-up.
Squawk: Clock inoperative.
Signed Off: Wound clock.
Airplane Pilot Jokes
Champ Pilot: "Shaw Tower, Champ 71X with Echo for Landing."
Tower: "Champ 71X, Cleared to Land."
Jet Pilot: "Shaw Tower, Learjet 22U with Echo for Landing."
Tower: "Champ 71X, Remain East of River, Learjet 22U, Radar contact 15 miles, approved for the straight in approach."
Champ Pilot: "Shaw Tower, request priority landing."
Tower: "Learjet 22U, are you OK letting the Champ slip in?"
Champ Pilot (impersonating the Jet Pilot): "Affirmative, we'll wait."
Flight Watch: Cessna <garbled>, Traffic 12 o'clock, 2 miles and closing fast.
Pilot: Flight Watch, was that message for Cessna 59J or Cessna 25K?
Flight Watch: Both of you.
Tower: Cessna 310, (a twin engine plane) that taxiway is approved for single engine use only.
Pilot: Roger, shutting down one engine.
Pilot in a holding pattern: Tower, Request an ETA.
Tower: Cessna X, Do you have a situation that requires priority?
Pilot: Does "Daddy, I gotta go" qualify?
Tower: Cessna X, cleared for immediate approach.
Tower: Motorglider X, Can you go any faster?
Motorglider: Not if we want to climb. But think about it, we don't burn much fuel.
Tower: You must really smile when you get fuel.
Motorglider Pilot: Roger that, with a 7 gallon tank, we get to stop and smile a lot.
Bonanza: Flight Watch, Bonanza X, we'd like to report a batch of wedding balloons floating at about 11,200 feet at our current position.
Flight Watch: Roger Bonanza, What direction were they traveling?
Pilot to Plane Engineer: Does weight and balance matter when we are flying straight up?
Tower: Cessna X, Please state your intentions.
Cessna flying in heavy turbulence: Cessna X is hoping to land before hurling.
Tower: Traffic at your 6 o'clock, 2 miles, same altitude, closing slowly.
Pilot: Roger. Since our plane doesn't come standard with rear view mirrors, could you keep us apprised?
Pilot (after a long time in a holding pattern): Tower, could we get an EFC? (Translation: how much longer?)
Pilot: I'm pretty sure we don't have fuel for that.
Pilot: Hawaii Tower, could you give me the rough time?
Hawaii Tower: Good Evening, it's Saturday.
Tower (for the 2nd time): Your cleared IFR for ...
Pilot: Clearance, can you tell me that squawk code again?
Tower: Squawk 2383
Pilot: Clearance, we need a squawk code ending in zero.
Tower (exasperated): Is 1200 acceptable?
Pilot (Returning from Oshkosh, the site of the biggest fly-in): Chicago Approach Control, Oshkosh direct Chicago.
Chicago Approach Control: Roger that. Never been to Oshkosh, I think about it every year, but it's too busy.
Pilot: You're joking, right?
A new pilot flying cross country landed at a big airport for something to eat. While there, he struck up a conversation with a young lady he wanted to impress.
Lady: What airplane do you fly?
Pilot: Why I'm flying a Cessna 150.
Lady: What's that?
Pilot: Well, you see that big plane loading up over there? That's a C-130. I fly a Cessna 150.
Flight Watch: Cessna X, Can you give us a pilot report?
Pilot: It feels like we're riding a hotel's vibrating bed up here.
Flight Watch: Is that bed on the light, moderate or rattle your teeth setting?
Pilot: Chicago Approach, Cessna X, We seem to be a little lost. We're supposed to be right over Lewis University.
Tower: Squawk 3849 and ident.
Tower: Cessna X, you're not lost, you just didn't see the airport. It's 7 miles out at your 4 o'clock.
Pilot: Logan Ground, Radio Check.
Tower: You sound like you are calling from inside a tin can.
Pilot: Roger. It feels like it, too.
Pilot #2: Roger, Cleared #2 for take-off after that cute little twin.
Pilot #1: Burrripp! (Done as he applied air brake surfaces to mimic a fart.)
Pilot Wisdom: The only thing worse that a captain who was never a co-pilot is a co-pilot who was once a captain.
Pilot Wisdom: Don't talk about planes when you're with a potential partner, nor partners when you're in a plane.
Two pilots were posturing in the flight room of the local FBO.
Grumman Pilot: That's a cute tiny plane you've got, did you make it yourself?
Experimental Pilot: Yep, I made it out of Grumman parts. One more landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another.
Pilot: O'Hare Tower, Bonanza X, request landing. I can land on any runway and hold short of any other runway.
Tower (with an over-full load): Roger, we request you land at Chicago Executive and hold short of O'Hare.
Tower at Oshkosh to a terribly confused Cessna Pilot: Don't make me come up there!
During a rough helicopter landing, the tail struck the pavement and broke off, leaving the body spinning endlessly.
Tower: Do you need assistance?
Pilot: Not sure, we're still crashing.
Approach Control: Cessna X, your 15 south of the airport. Expect a visual approach.
Pilot: Control, is it possible to do the full NDB 9 approach?
Approach Control: Cessna, you would like a full NDB 9 approach?
Pilot: I didn't say I like the approach, I'm just asking if we could fly it.
Approach: Cessna X, your mode C is intermittently reporting 3,000 feet. Say your altitude.
Pilot: Cessna X is intermittently at 3,000 feet.
Fighter Escort to Cargo Plane: Bet you wish you could do this... as he does a couple of barrel rolls.
Cargo Pilot: Bet you wish you could do this...
<... nothing happens for a couple of minutes ...>
Cargo Pilot: Ahh, it feels so good to get up and go to the loo.
While flying cross country at night in thunderstorms in a twin with one engine out...
Pilot: Uh, oh...
Passenger (white faced): What's wrong?
Pilot: I've got the hiccups. Quick, do something to scare me!
Ex-air transport pilot: Ground, I'd like to report an emergency.
Ground: Bonanza X, you haven't left the ground yet. What's your emergency?
Pilot: I'm down to one active crew member, a single radio, no de-icing equipment and I'm already on my last engine.
Pilot: Cessna 150, 6 miles north for landing.
Tower: Cessna 150, cleared to land. Wind calm. No other traffic, use runway 14 or 32, your choice.
Pilot: Roger. Which runway is longer?
Dumb Jet Pilot Jokes
Pilot: Airliner X, request a 360 to parking.
Ground: 360 approved, 180 recommended.
Woman Pilot: Airliner X, ready for push back.
Ground: Are you sure? This is the third time you've called in requesting clearance to push back.
Woman Pilot: Since I am a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind at any moment.
Ground: Roger. Cleared to push back.
Pilot: Good Morning, Airliner X requesting a start-up and push back.
Tower: Airliner X, we're experiencing some issues, it's going to be at least an hour delay.
Pilot: Roger that. In that case, cancel the good morning.
747 Pilot: Sydney Tower, 747 Heavy, 50 miles out and have your cute little island in sight.
Sydney Tower : 747 Heavy cleared to land after circling the island.
Tower: Learjet, Report you are when 50 miles west of the airport.
Learjet: Tower, I show us 125 miles EAST of the airport for landing.
Tower: Roger that. Report when you are 24,950 miles west of the airport.
Tower (for the 2nd time): Airplane please repeat, your unintelligable...
Motorglider Pilot: <Clearer>Bennington Tower, we've just turned off our engine is that better?
Pilot: Reagan Tower, Airliner X for landing.
DCA Tower: Keep calling us Reagan Tower and we'll start calling you Pan Am.
A UPS pilot, knowing he was the only one flying at 2:00 A.M. would contact the Raytown tower inappropriately night after night. The controller repeatedly tried to get the UPS pilot to clean up his communications until one moonless night when he hit upon a much more motivating response.
Pilot: Raytown Tower, guess who.
Tower (after turning off all of the airport's lights): Raytown Airport, guess where.
Delta 235: Washington Center, we're not getting an answer on 123.25.
Washington Center: Delta 235, Please try again. He is sitting right next to me. I'll wake him up for you.
Tower: Airliner X, it looks like you have a baggage door open.
Airliner: Thank you for the report, but that must be our APU door that's open for cooling.
Tower: Airliner X, you have luggage falling out of your APU door.
Very late at a very quiet airport:
Ground Control: Cleared to taxi. Stay off the grass. Don't cross any active runways. Don't hit anything.
Tower: Airliner X, please expedite decent through 4,000 feet. Traffic is a Pitts at 11 o'clock climbing to 4,500.
Pilot: Is the Pitts doing aerobatics?
Tower: Not intentionally, but it may start if you don't expedite your descent.
Ground Control (Shouting on a very busy day): Airliner X, I told you to taxi SOUTH on taxiway Bravo. When I eventually get back to you with your progressive taxiing instruction, I expect you to follow them EXACTLY.
Pilot: Yes ma'am.
Pilot: Wasn't I married to you once?
Approach Control: FedEx Y, descend to 4000 and slow to 180 knots.
Pilot: Control, we can descend or slow down, but not at the same time.
Approach Control: Did you just make that up or was that another concession you won during your last strike?
Pilot: Roger Approach, slowing and descending.
Captain: Ladies and Gentlemen, we thank you for your business. We apologize for that rough landing courtesy of our first officer, Jim.
Later that day, after an even worse landing…
First Officer: Ladies and Gentlemen, we thank you for your business and hope you fly with us again. We sincerely apologize for that rough landing courtesy of our captain.
Captain: Jim, what did you say that for?
First Officer: Remember that comment you made earlier? Now we're even.
Captain: Yeah, but I didn't key the mic.
Center: Learjet 89X, Please contact Dallas Approach on 123.70
Learjet: Contact Dallas Approach on 123.7. Learjet 89X.
Learjet: Dallas Approach Learjet 89X with you at 11 thousand.
Center: Learjet 89X, if my voice is familiar, try the switch again.
Pilot: Bangor Tower, Cessna 33X 5 miles south east at 3500 for landing.
Tower: Cessna 33X confirm you have information Echo.
Pilot: Rodger, Information Echo.
Tower: Cessna 33X, Information Hotel is current. Go listen again.
A pilot had just overshot his assigned altitude, but was quickly repairing the damage.
Controller: Airliner X, please state your altitude.
Pilot: Just leveling out at 12,000, sir.
Controller: From which way?
Controller: Pan Am X, Washington Center <...silence...>
Controller: Pan Am X, Washington Center
Pilot: Washington, Pan Am X, Sorry about that, we were in back watching the movie.
Controller: What's playing?
Pilot: Lost in Space
Student Pilot Jokes
Lost Student Pilot: Tower, Cessna X, Requesting help determining my location, I'm lost.
Tower: Can you fly over any identifiable man made objects like a highway or water tower?
Pilot: Affirmative, I just flew by a water tower, but all it said was "Class of '09."
Student pilots often learn the mechanics of flying before the details of communicating on the radio.
Female student pilot with a pretty voice: "Cessna X ... Ready for takeoff, request a straight approach."
Male ATC: Cessna X takeoff approved. I'm off at 5 if you want to go out for dinner.
Instructor: Cessna X, Tom, remember to call out before you take the active. ...
< ... silence ... >
Instructor: Cessna X, Tom, call out your position as you fly the pattern.
< ... silence ... >
Instructor: Cessna X, Tom, remember you need to key the mic if you want anyone else to hear you.
New Student Pilot: Cessna X, request the option.
Tower: Sure, which option would you like?
Instructor: What would you do if I fell unconscious?
Student Pilot: Complete the flight and log it as half dual and half solo.
Student Pilot: How fast do I taxi?
Instructor: How fast do you want to be going when you run into something?
Tower: Do you have the airport's altimeter?
Student Pilot: No sir, I'm renting a plane from the flight school and using theirs.
Student Pilot yelling out before turning over the engine on their first overcast day: "Cloudy."
Andrews was having an especially busy day when a training flight returned for landing.
Pilot: Andrews Tower, T-36 on initial. What are my intentions?
Jet Instructor: I'm not worried about you flying this 600 mph jet solo. You're so far behind it, you won't even get hurt if you crash.
More Flying Jokes
Lord, when I die, please do not let my wife sell my airplane for what I told her I paid for it!
A quote from a fire marshal after a plane suffered fuel exhaustion and crashed landed without exploding. "They're just lucky there was no fuel on-board."
Some airplane buffs were curiously watching as a pilot loaded a projector and screen into a Bonanza for the presentations he was going to give the next day. The pilot, noticing their curious looks he got as he loaded the equipment into the plane nonchalantly said: "It's for the inflight movie later."
Originally, a Japanese insurance company refused to believe or pay on a fisherman's report that his trawler was sunk by a cow falling out of the sky. Luckily someone found a report of a cow that had gotten loose and ran out the back of a Russian cargo plane from 30,000 feet.
It was a very busy day at O'Hare when the ground controller suddenly barked. "Everyone on my frequency STOP." For a few minutes it looked like a scene from a Hollywood film after a catstophe. TODO. A minute later the controller said, "Ok you can proceed as instructed, I just needed a short break."
Some now ex-Boeing employees were a bit surprised when emergency rescue craft appeared shortly after they started to float down the Stilliquamish River on a 747's emergency life raft they had stolen. It turns out they had forgotten to disable the emergency locator beacon that activates automatically when the raft is inflated.
While baggage was being loaded into a Finnair DC9, one arriving tourist nonchalantly commented, "Look, at all of that baggage disappearing into Finnair."
Controller, after watching a Lear jet depart almost vertically: Lear X, contact departure 122.5 after collecting your passengers from the empanage.
After numerous gate changes, things finally seemed to be settling down when the Flight Attendant spoke over the intercom. "This flight is going to LA. If your destination is NOT LA, we suggest you deplane immediately." Imagine everyone's surprise when the captain appeared with all his bags and made a quick exit.
Pilots in Antarctica have discovered an entertaining pastime... flying slowly by the crowd of penguins and watching all of them turn their heads in unison to watch the plane fly by. When a plane flies directly overhead, the penguins heads go up, up, up, and simultaneously all 10,000 penguins harmlessly fall over backwards.
During the space race, NASA needed a writing implement that could write in zero gravity without leaking. They spent about a million dollars developing a zero-G ball-point pen. The Soviet Union astronauts used a pencil.
Concerned about software security at the FAA, a White House investigation determined that the FAA's software was so out of date, it was effectively impossible to hack.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we are ready to board flight 23 with service to Atlanta. Due to weight issues, we must limit you to 1 carry-on. All other luggage must be checked.
During an A-7 Strike Fighter modification, an aerodynamics engineer was dumbfounded when his request for 300 lbs. of ballast to make the plane safe to fly was denied. Being resourceful and having some idea of the way pencil pushers work, he put in another request for 300 lbs. of "Passive Stability Augmentation" which was approved.
During a glider demo with the passenger in the back seat for weight and balance, the pilot did 20 or more 360's in a desperate attempt to gain altitude. The young passenger finally asked... "Hey Mister, are you OK? You haven't collapsed or anything have you?"
Denver Tower: Gulfstream X, You're cleared to 9,000 feet. For a vector to Hector, contact the sector director.
During WWII, the Germans built a mostly wooden decoy airfield in Holland with wooden hangers, tanks, guns, trucks and even planes. Unfortunately, it took so long to build, the experts had correctly ascertained it as a decoy airfield, but decided to drop one single bomb on the installation regardless... A wooden bomb!
The NTSB has determined that a frayed wire caused the spark that ignited vapors in the TWA 800 fuel tank. The wire became frayed when it was hit by a missile.
Sign in a porta-potty at Oshkosh: "I could have been a Glasair."
After extensive investigating of a cooperative US-Russian space docking procedure that went wrong, both agencies came to the same conclusion: "Objects in MIR are closer than they appear."
Message on engine cowling: Do not open cowling without following special instructions. See instructions inside cowling.
ATIS on Thanksgiving: Advise the controller you have information Turkey.
More Plane Jokes
Pilot: Tower, there is serious radio interference on 122.3.
Tower (during football season): Roger, Culprit will be given a 15 yard penalty, you get an automatic first down.
A Piper test pilot was retiring after 15 years of testing planes out of Vero Beach, FL. The company gave him a gold watch and a certificate for a one-hour demo ride from the airport at Vero Beach, Florida.
Center: ... <mush> ... to point Charlie.
Plane: That message was unreadable, please repeat.
Center: Good, then I can change it.
Tower (operating near a President's restricted airspace): Cessna X, Don't worry about those two F-16's flying overhead, and DON'T climb until advised.
Tower: Cessna X, Traffic 11 o'clock two miles is a Fokker.
Cessna: Tower, I've always wanted to say this, I've got that Fokker in sight!
An AirFrance Jet with the winning French soccer team aboard had missed a taxiway turn and was taking a more circular route to the active.
Tower: AirFrance, are you having difficulty getting to the active.
AirFrance: No sir, just doing one last victory lap before we go!
Mooney airplanes are known to be troublesome when landing or taxing on grass runways. The prop has barely enough clearance and the gear doors can get hung up in grass and mud.
Tower: We have a special place for Mooney's.
Pilot: So does the devil.
Pilot (on a very windy day): Tower, Cessna X 25 miles out for landing.
Tower: Cessna X what is your ground speed?
Pilot: 35 knots. Is that a problem?
Tower: No problem, it gives me plenty of time for lunch.
Jet Pilot: Tower, we'd like to report a family of foxes crossing the taxiway.
Tower: Roger that. The foxes help keep families of birds from nesting in the area.
Tower: Airliner 757 vectored 310 at 145 knots behind traffic.
Pilot: Roger that, 310 at 145 to clean out the stall horn.
A pilot was showing his son the effects of headwinds and tailwinds over two trains. The pilot did not realize the lesson was fully learned until months later when he heard from a school psychologist who had been conducting an evaluation of his son.
Psychologist: What color is a banana?
Son: On the inside or the outside?
Psychologist: What is faster, a train or a plane?
Son: It depends on the headwinds.
Pilot: Tower, How long should I make this Young Eagles demo flight?
Tower: Cessna X, we suggest landing just before anyone hurls.
Pilot over Arkansas: Cessna X requesting direct to Paris.
Approach Control: Is that Paris Arkansas, or Paris Texas?
Tower: Falcon X, Cleared to land #2. Traffic is a Tampico on short final.
Falcon Pilot: Tower, what's a Tampico?
Tower: A low wing plane like a Cherokee.
Tower: Lear Jet X, Cleared to land #3. Traffic is a Falcon turning base.
Lear Jet: Tower, what's a Falcon?
Approach Control: 747 Heavy, traffic is a 777 at your 2 o'clock at 4000 feet.
747 Heavy: Roger, Approach, we have that light twin in sight.
Approach: Attention all aircraft, Approach will no longer be manning this frequency.
... stunned silence ...
Approach (now in a female voice): Sorry about that folks. I'm here and ready to serve.
Pilot: Flight Watch, this is Bonanza X requesting weather from Santa Fe to Tucson.
Flight Watch: Weather is nothing significant. We've had no complaints.
Pilot: Flight Watch, this is Cessna X, we'd be happy to share a complaint.
Flight Attendant: Would you like dinner?
Passenger: What are my choices?
Flight Attendant: Yes or No.
2 engine Sea Pilot: What do you think of moving from your four engine transport to a twin engine amphibian.
4 engine Sea Pilot: That's a four engine ocean. I just don't feel safe flying with less than 4 engines.
2 engine Sea Pilot: Yeah, but an amphibian floats.
Approach: Airliner Heavy, report your airspeed for spacing.
Pilot: Approach, we're really hauling ass.
Approach: Airliner Heavy, I couldn't care less about your cargo, I need to know your airspeed.
An STOL airplane which can take off and land on very short runways was flying down the runway at about 15 knots to get to their hanger when an exasperated controller finally spoke up.
Tower: STOL airplane, could you just land and taxi, it'd be faster!
After a minor crash, one pilot was showing pictures of the damage to his wife.
Wife: This isn't so bad. Nothing Photoshop can't fix.
Kids on a tour of the Tower: Have you ever had a real emergency?
Controller: There was that one time when we ran out of coffee.
Passenger (while in severe turbulence): Father, you have a special connection with God, can you get the turbulence to stop?
Priest: Lady, I'm in sales, not management.
Ground Control: Airliner X, Good news, you are clear to taxi to the active.
Pilot: Roger, What's the bad news?
Ground Control: No bad news at the moment, but you probably want to get gone before I find any.
Controller: Bonanza X, Can you give us a pilot report?
Pilot: It feels like we're wearing burlap underwear.
Controller: Is that light, moderate or severe chafing?
Pilot to Passengers: If you look out the right window, you can see a 570 foot deep crater that was created from a fiery giant meteor made of several hundred thousand tons of nickel and iron that impacted the earth at 40,000 miles an hour.
Passenger: Wow, look at how it just missed the freeway.
A Cherokee had a dent in the main wing from a large bird strike. As the mechanic was estimating the repair effort, a pilot stepped by.
Pilot: You know, high wing aircraft really do have a lot of beneficial attributes. A high wing plane would have missed that bird.
A pilot overheard the conversation after returning some young Eagles to their parents.
Grandmother: What did you like best about the flight?
Jimmy: The rubber snakes they put on the wings to keep the birds away!
Sarah: It's just like the flight simulator at home, only the graphics are a lot better!
An airliner was in a holding pattern waiting for the Democratic Presidential Nominee to leave the area.
Tower: Airliner X, can you hold for another 10 minutes?
Pilot: Yes sir, however, please advise the Democrats that more and more passengers are turning Republican.
An airliner abruptly returned to the gate.
Passenger: Why did we return to the gate?
Flight Attendant: The pilot was concerned about a noise in the left engine, so we went back to the gate and got a new pilot.
Passenger #1: I ONLY fly trans-oceanic flights in planes with 4 engines.
Passenger #2: Why?
Passenger #1: Because they don't make 5 engine airliners.
A late arriving aircraft was told to wait until their gate was cleared. After 30 minutes of waiting, the pilot finally asked the tower about the holdup. He was told the airline couldn't find the crew, even though they had arrived about half an hour ago.
Pilot: What flight is at our gate?
Pilot: That's us!
Pilot: I'm sorry, I have to report a total loss of that brand new glider I just insured with you?
Insurance Company: Oh no... Is everyone OK? Was there some undetected mechanical or manufacturing problem with the glider?
Pilot: Yes, everyone is fine, and no, the glider was absolutely flawless, what a beautiful aircraft.
Insurance Company: Did you crash land?
Pilot: No, I did get a little low on my third flight and decided to land off-aiport rather than take a chance that I couldn't make back.
Insurance Company: Were you able to find a good field to land in? Did the landing go OK?
Pilot: Yes, I found a great field, smooth grass, no obstacles, only a single cow off in the corner. My landing was perfect! The glider was stopped, safely down on the ground without even the smallest scratch.
Insurance Company: So if your landing was perfect, and the glider was stopped, what happened?
Pilot: The cow wasn't a cow, it was a bull.
Ticket Agent: Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?
Passenger: If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?
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